{"id":405,"date":"2025-11-08T02:39:33","date_gmt":"2025-11-08T02:39:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.simchaspeaks.com\/?p=405"},"modified":"2025-11-14T02:39:56","modified_gmt":"2025-11-14T02:39:56","slug":"celebrating-our-dadvocates","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.simchaspeaks.com\/?p=405","title":{"rendered":"Celebrating Our \u201cDadvocates\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
A piece I recently wrote for Autism Spectrum News, honoring dads, dovavcating and fathers day. If it resonates, please consider sharing it in your networks<\/div>\n

O<\/span>n Father\u2019s Day, we honor fathers, as well as the many paternal figures<\/a> and mentors who make a meaningful difference in our families and our communities. It also feels like an opportune time to discuss fatherhood engagement in our systems of care, which can often feel like a hurdle to navigate for dads\u2026like me!<\/p>\n

When \u201cautism\u201d first entered our family\u2019s world, I instinctively built a wall of denial. Deep down, I was terrified for our son\u2019s future, for the stigma of a label, and for how this news would echo through our tight-knit Jewish community, especially since I was serving as a rabbi. I felt I had to stay strong, solve everyone else\u2019s problems, and never burden them with my own.<\/p>\n

Systems seemed to inadvertently assign my wife the role of \u201cemotional bedrock\u201d and slot me into the \u201cstrong, silent\u201d type. I\u2019m neither strong nor silent; it was just self-preservation. I recall the sitcom dads of my youth, bottling up emotions in recliners. Systems, take note: that fa\u00e7ade of \u201cstrong and silent\u201d often hides fear and confusion.<\/p>\n

In the stages of acceptance, denial comes first. Our brains protect by rejecting what\u2019s hard to face. But denial only offers temporary relief. Ultimately, it kept me from fully engaging with the early intervention services our child needed. I had to come to terms with our new reality and step into my role.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, my wife found her tribe, a vibrant network of lived-experience peers, Facebook Live Q&As, Instagram meet-ups, and virtual support circles. Meanwhile, dads like me were still feeling a little solo in our solidarity, figuring things out one step at a time.<\/p>\n

Without dwelling on gender stereotypes and icky tropes, it does seem harder for many dads to talk about feelings. Machismo clashes with vulnerability. Over time, I embraced advocacy, what I now call \u201cDadvocacy.\u201d For the record, my license plate reads: DADVOC8.<\/p>\n

Recently, at the 45th Annual Legislative Disability Legislative Awareness Day (shout-out to fellow \u201cDadvocate,\u201d Assemblyman Angelo Santabarbara, Chair of the Assembly Committee on People with Disabilities), I was officially introduced as \u201cDadvocate\u201d on the floor of the assembly, one for the books! In my role as a Family Peer Advocate, I\u2019ve been able to develop and deliver training on father-centric engagement across New York State. I\u2019ve found that systems are eager to engage, and I\u2019m grateful.<\/p>\n

Why Father Engagement Matters<\/h2>\n

Decades of research confirm what many of us feel intuitively: when fathers and father figures step up, whole families thrive. A landmark systematic review found that greater father involvement is linked to fewer behavior problems and better social-emotional adjustment in children (Sarkadi et al., 2008). Early father engagement also independently predicts higher educational attainment by early adulthood (Flouri & Buchanan, 2006). And my colleague TJ Curtis (2024) reminds us when systems pigeonhole dads into an \u201cother\u201d category, they overlook these vital contributions.<\/p>\n

Practical Steps for Systems and Providers<\/h2>\n